Friday, September 14, 2012



“Mom, Mom, MOM.” The kid said pulling at the fat lady’s walrus like arm. The little brat had a snot filled nose and his shirt was two sizes two small. The little bastard looked like the Michelin man. The fat lady was driving a scooter that chunked its way through the store while I pushed my own cart with the one wheel that refused to cooperate. “MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM.”
     “Have you ever wanted to discipline someone else’s kids?” The voice in my head said. The voice was strange tiny and alien. Worse was the fact that I had been listening the voice for more than ten years.
     “Shut up.” I said to myself pushing the cart. This Wal-Mart was like every other one in the world packed with the lowest of humanity at any one time. Their kids dragged behind them like drooling screaming monsters. I so wanted to kill them all.
     “Can’t do that anymore. You are on probation.” The voice said.
     “Yah thanks to you piece of shit,” I snapped. I walked down the cereal aisle and looked at all the selections. Cheap prices and brilliant colors attracted the children to food that would make them sluggish and fat. This is not the world I tried to take over.
     “Testy. Did I make you try to kill the President?” The Voice said.
     “I guess not.” I said picking something that looked edible off the shelf and tossing it into the basket.
     “Didn’t think so Dr. Crazy-pants,” The Voice said.
     I pushed my cart a little further and almost hit a pair of old women drifting through the store not really paying attention to where they were going.
     “Samples.” An old lady said pointing some stupid cracker at me.
     “No thank you.” I mumble.
     “Come on its free.” She said. Her eyes locked on to me.
     “No thank you.” I said. She moved to block my cart.
     “Come on it’s free don’t you want the free sample?” She said. I tried to push past her but old broad had an amazingly iron grip.
     “You should take it.” The Voice egged on.
     “I don’t want it.” I snapped.
     Suddenly the store got quiet. Almost every person stopped and was looking at me and when I say every person I meant all three cashiers at 27 check out lanes and the lines of rednecks behind them, everyone in the aisle that I could see. The only sound was the freezers holding cheap ice cream.
     “YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT.” She said.
     I would like to say what happened next I didn’t enjoy but I most assuredly did. With my cart I rammed her. I hit her so hard the cart folded up like and origami crane. The problem was that she didn’t so much as move.
     “Ohh its on.” I shouted.
     “One of us.” She said and lunged at me with almost feral claws. The old lady moved fast knocking me into the glass doors of the freezer. Bits of fogged window bit holes into my back. Blood seeped down into my shoes.
     “You fucking cunt. DO you know who much I hate having wet socks?” I screamed. Glass began to whirl around me lifted up by an invisible force.
     “You  are going back to jail.” The voice said. I could feel the tether on my boots beeping. It didn’t really matter.
     I hit the old lady with a tornado of shattered glittering barbs. She turned into a puddle of blood and bone. The sound of wet meat slapping against the ground.
     I was struck from behind as every human in that store charged me. These people were all linked together somehow. I guess if your stupid alien mind control only works on the weak willed that would have been the way to do. The group pushed me into the wall and began pounding on like they did on wrestling except they were actually trying to hurt me.
     At some point in the fighting they broke my nose and worse off they smashed my glasses. I don’t have vision and those stupid things are expensive.
     They just kept coming. So I did what I had to do in order to escape. I bit, I kicked and I may have thrown a few of them into the ceiling before making a run for it. Before you ask no I did not manage to get a sample of what ever they were giving out.
     As I came flying out of the store that was when The Commander found me. I am sure my tether rang for him and the he attacked me. He grabbed me and slammed me into the water tower. He hid me so hard that the water tower collapsed and flooded the place. Washing away the parasite. He broke my skull in two places and it needed to have two plates put in. I haven’t been able to concentrate since.
“Did even apologize?” The lawyer asked.
     “No, he blamed me of all things. Said I was looking for trouble. Does it look like I enjoyed it?” I asked. I had scaffolding around my skull and my arm was waddled up in bandages.
     “Objection. He’s been convicted of crimes against humanity in the past.” The other lawyer said.
     “Over ruled.” The Judge said.
     “Why do you think the Commander did this?” The Lawyer asked.
     “Villain profiling.” I said. “Just because I tried a few times to take over the world, for which I served my time, he just assumed I was guilty because I used to wear a mask.”
     “There you go. Just because our client has done things in the past. In the United States you get a second chance. Find for the plaintiff and show men like the Commander that we believe people can change.” The lawyer said. He turned and looked at me and mouthed the words.  “One of us.” I smirked at the judge. The jury had gotten free samples too. 

1 comment:

  1. Nice.

    I like what you've done with this. Great characterization and what's going on in the villain's mind.

    A couple of nit-picky things: "He hid me so hard that the water tower collapsed and flooded the place." I know you meant 'hit.' But I got the context. Also 'overruled' is one word.

    I so dig the global conspiracy vibe.